What if your coworker is a Narcissist?

Individuals with a narcissistic disposition – grandiose, self-promoting, larger than life – are usually charismatic and manipulative, which could help them get ahead. Their ambition and drive can be very effective in moving organizations forward, but when the narcissistic behaviour becomes excessive, it could cause havoc and lead to organizational breakdown. Narcissists are envious, always striving to win. They view themselves as ‘special’ and only want to associate with other ‘special’ or ‘high status’ people.

Moreover, individuals high in narcissism have a strong sense of entitlement. They can get very angry and impatient when they do not get the special treatment they feel they deserve. They also lack empathy, finding it difficult recognizing or identifying the needs of others. Their thin-skinned nature means they do not readily accept criticism: they very quickly feel hurt, overreact, and get defensive.

Narcissists are not good listeners, they devalue others’ work while trying to overemphasize their own success. What’s worse? They refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem or admit they are wrong. Why would they? They feel they are better than everyone else and never make mistakes.

On the surface, narcissists would give off the impression that they have high self esteem. But, in truth, they struggle with a deep sense of insecurity. They compensate for their profound vulnerability by putting up a facade of heroic bravado. Positive attention is like morphine to them.

You could have a coworker like this. He or she could be very talented but seem to be a nuisance within the group. They could make things all about themselves, monopolizing conversations. And the consequences of this sort of behaviour is damaging to others (e.g. lower self worth and burnout) and to the organization (e.g. irrational decision-making and excessive turnover).

So what can you do to not feel helpless in the face of such behaviours?

Ways to manage narcissists at work

• Be prepared to do a lot of listening. Narcissists want your attention more than anything. Smile, nod, and try to stay calm
• Use flattery to reduce their insecurity. You could present an idea as if they inspired it or gave you the idea. This might allow the idea to gain some traction
• Do not share any of your vulnerabilities. They might use it to manipulate or demean you at some point
• Engage politely and respectfully while maintaining your personal and professional boundaries
• Do not waste time or energy trying to change them. Rather, work on your own self development
• Communicate assertively without being aggressive. You never want to make them feel that they are being attacked; otherwise, they are likely to become aggressive
• Present options rather than conclusions. They like space to maneuver rather than feeling tied down by someone else’s thinking
• Protect your own self-esteem and stay centred by building a supportive network that keeps reminding you that you are doing a great job
• Limit the time you spend with them
• If you stay at the job, set realistic expectations for yourself. Recognize that you might not receive the championing and support you need to succeed in your own right
• Try to keep your sense of humour. This is important. Better to laugh than cry at the absurdities

Narcissists create challenges for those who would manage them. But creating a strong sense of group dynamic can offer promising results.

If you are a manager, you should be more concerned with other team members quitting, not losing the narcissist. It may be difficult to deal with a narcissist’s sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and need to feel special. But, establishing a strong group dynamic can help keep those tendencies in check. It also allows everyone in your group to be more self-aware, ensuring you have the best people in your team.

Here at PAT Consulting, we provide robust solutions to individuals, organizations and institutions. If you feel your mental health is affected by a narcissist at your workplace, or if you feel the organization is becoming toxic because of a narcissist at work, contact us at info@patnigeria.com or 0907 870 6967.

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