Realistic Fear vs. Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Is fear your friend or your enemy?

Most organizational psychologists and business consultants will probably give one of the cosmic answers of life to this question: “It depends”.

Consider this…

Jeff, a CEO of a top 20 organization, is in disbelief that the Board of Directors at his company gave him a vote of no confidence for insider trading and have asked him to resigned.

His worst fear and recurring nightmare had just come true — he had failed to be a successful business leader. He had tried so hard to be a strong personality as the position required. Yes, he may have taken a few shortcuts here and there, but how can anyone expect differently with all the demands of the job? Where had he gone wrong? Had his father been right all those years when he told Jeff that he was a loser?

So it seems it all started years earlier with Jeff’s father who viewed him as a chronic failure. It was always not good enough regardless of what he did. He developed an obsessive fear of failing because of this, and he started feeling he will never be able to measure up. He was so determined not to fail that it affected his judgment, taking shortcuts into illegal activities early on, such as cheating in school. His fears developed into a self-fulfilling prophecy, and ironically, he ultimately failed.

Many of us are taught at a very young age that fear is something to be ashamed of and to be hidden. Men, for instance, are taught from a very young age that to be afraid is to be weak. The thinking behind this approach is that it prepares us to better cope with pain and have the mentality to compete in a world that is usually hard and unkind.

However, not acknowledging your fears or feeling ashamed of them only causes a lot of unresolved doubts that can affect you doing what is in your best interests in life. For instance, if you fear that your colleagues at work will be unkind to you, you are likely to not trust them, which would impact teamwork and productivity.

Indeed, there are advantages of being “mentally tough” because there are certain situations where this skill could come in handy. But there are better ways to acquire these skills. Moreover, some fears are helpful and you do not need to overcome them. Your fear of stepping into oncoming traffic, for example, is a healthy survival instinct, and overcoming it can leave you feeling “depressed” (sic).

Acknowledge and accept your fear as an important part of who you are as an individual. Once you have completed this important step, then you can rationally evaluate your fears and decide whether it is in your best interests to honor them or overcome them.

Take the fear of public speaking. Apparently this fear is second only to the fear of death for a lot of people. This fear is a specific case of a more generalized fear of rejection, and it is a mild form of “paranoia” or unrealistic self-created fear. Most people who suffer from the fear of public speaking tend to be too critical of themselves. So when they are to speak in front of an audience, they fear that everyone else will be too critical of them as well.

The more people in the audience, the more people to “project” this unrealistic fear onto, hence amplifying it geometrically. Many people do not succeed in this arena because of this. They have so frightened themselves out of success before they have even begun — which is another case of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Therefore, Consider the following techniques

• Acknowledge and accept your fears; they are an important part of who you are as an individual.
• Next, analyze your fears to determine whether it is in your best interests to honor them or to overcome them (having a trusted helper makes this a lot easier).
• Appreciate yourself for being both wise and resilient, and then go out into the world and conquer it!

What are your greatest fears? Can you acknowledge them? Are they realistic? Are they interfering with your happiness and success? These are important questions to ask yourself. And if you need someone to talk to, contact PAT Consulting at info@patnigeria.com or 0916 335 8312.

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